


Mission Parameters

by critterlady



Series: Tamara Souls [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ferrets, Gen, Platonic Soulmates, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, talk of past brainwashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:10:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6834796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterlady/pseuds/critterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James has a slow road to recovery and finding out who he is now. Steve and Tamara help him but it takes a visit to the Xavier Institute and a surprise encounter there before James begins to adapt to his new life and take control for himself again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In the days since James had come to live in the tower, Tamara had noticed several areas of concern. James was not sleeping well, his sleep punctuated with nightmares that he mercifully never remembered. He made no effort to be an individual, instead he did as he was told, and only as he was told. It was as though all freedom had been beaten out of him and unfortunately, Steve didn’t seem to see it as clearly as Tamara.

One problem though, in Tamara’s opinion, could be easy to fix. James made no effort to select snacks during the day and all he ever drank was water. Not that drinking water was bad. But surely he would at least want something like juice or milk with breakfast? After thinking about it for the first several days and watching the foods he did eat, Tamara decided that maybe James was just _unfamiliar_ with modern foods.

The next morning, Steve and James woke to the smell of fresh biscuits and bacon. Neither one expected to see Tamara, standing at the sink, washing the flour from her hands. She greeted them both with a smile as she set glasses of milk down on the table. Steve wasn’t shy about teasing her for the light dusting of flour across one cheek but James never said a word. From that morning on, mealtimes became more a reflection of foods Steve remembered from before the war. At first, James was reluctant to chose his own foods so Tamara and Steve would prepare plates for everyone. James ate what was put on his plate, nothing more, nothing less. The first time he tentatively reached for another biscuit, hesitating for just a second, before quickly grabbing one made Tamara want to cry. She didn’t know whether it was for joy that James was finally taking the initiative in something or despair for the way that he had been treated in the past.

In many ways, James’s behavior was that of a child. He had been wearing Steve’s clothing for the past week and Tamara decided that was long enough. Without giving him any input, she ordered a small selection of clothing in neutral colors. That evening, a small pyramid of bags waited beside the couch when James and Steve returned to the apartment. Tamara made no comments on the bags as she finished setting the table; it was only as they finished supper that she brought them up. “James needed some clothes of his own, he can’t keep wearing your stuff, it doesn’t fit right. Everything should be a good fit and I got mostly neutral colors. Go try them on James and let me know how they fit.” 

James took several bags and left the room, leaving Tamara alone with Steve.

“Wouldn’t it have been better to let him pick the clothes?” Steve glanced at Tamara with a frown as he carried dishes to the sink.

“I thought about it.” Tamara started to wash dishes, keeping her voice low as she continued. “But keep in mind that for decades, when he wasn’t frozen, someone else told him what to wear and what to do. His life was controlled and I hate doing it to him,” she shook her head sadly. “but I don’t think he’s ready to be in control. He barely shows any interest in _anything_ and even when you put food on his plate that you know he hated in the past, he still eats it.” She dried her hands off as Steve left the kitchen area.

Steve sat down wearily on the couch as James came back for the rest of the bags, mumbling “they fit” as he walked away with the rest.

Tamara sat down beside Steve and curled her feet underneath. “Steve, do you trust me?”

“Of course, why would you think I don’t?” Steve tried to pull her closer to reassure her. “I just…”

Tamara pulled away and twisted to face him. “Because what you think is best for James right now and what I think is best are very different.” Steve was deep in denial about how bad James was suffering and she had to make him _understand_. “You keep looking for your friend, like he’s just gonna suddenly say _“surprise, I’m back”_ but it’s not gonna happen, no matter how much you want it to.” 

“He’s not going to change in a day, or a week or even a month,” she said quietly. “He may never be exactly like you remember; but if we do this right-” she swallowed the knot she could feel rising in her throat. “- If we do this right… he will get better. He will be a _person_ again, not just a living breathing weapon.”

Steve sighed softly, sometimes he hated when she was right and he was wrong. He was _Captain America_ , he was supposed to have all the answers, be able to fix any problem. 

Tamara must have had some idea what he was thinking because she nudged him in the side. “Hey, you aren’t the costume, you are Steve Rogers and you are not perfect. You have weaknesses and faults and guilty pleasures, just like everyone else.”

Neither one had heard James re-enter the room on bare feet, wearing a long-sleeved shirt and shorts, a glove hiding his left hand. “What weaknesses?”

“Wait till Christmas, he goes through eggnog like it’s water. And we won’t even mention the chocolate covered cherries.” Tamara grinned as Steve groaned loudly.

“What about you and those movies?”

“There is nothing wrong with enjoying cartoons.” Tamara’s smile grew larger.

Steve couldn’t resist a smile himself; at Christmas especially, Tamara didn’t hide her feelings, her joy at having a family again. “She says that now but wait till she has a movie on repeat. I ended up with a song stuck in my head one night and couldn’t sleep.”

Seeing James’s confusion, Tamara decided he would need to see for himself. It wasn’t quite Thanksgiving yet but close enough that they could fudge it, especially since James had missed so many holidays in general. But if they were going to do Christmas cartoons, they would do it the right way, the way she’d always done it. “Tell ya what guys, not tonight, but I will show James the movies, the right way.”

“You gonna make your special cookies then? The pecan ones?” Steve could almost taste those cookies now.

“Yes, I need to start baking them for this year anyways. I’ll have to check the weather report to see when I might be able to bake.” Tamara could see that James was confused so she explained. “I don’t know the science behind it but if the barometer is falling when you make the cookies, they end up tasting weird and inedible.”

“Last year, one day while she was baking, Thor caused a thunderstorm because was missing Jane. Tamara came up to the common floor brandishing a rolling pin and proceeded to chase Thor with it, yelling at him for ruining good cookies with his moping.” Steve grinned at the memory.

As they settled in for their evening movie, Tamara thought more about James and his reaction, _or lack of_ , to his new life. In a way, he reminded her of an abused animal, desperately wanting to be loved but so afraid of mistreatment that he sought their approval for everything. Without any better idea, she decided she would handle him the same way she handled abused animals at the shelter. Some patience and time and proving she wouldn’t hurt him and who knows, maybe it would work. Across the room, she could hear Toi’s contentment as she curled up in James’s lap, one hand buried in the thick fur behind her ears rubbing softly as the big cat purred.

That night, James had yet another nightmare that left him curled up on the bed, shaking in fear. Tamara made her way across the hall and wrapped her arms around him, talking softly to reassure him. “You’re safe James, no one here is gonna hurt you.” She couldn’t see the other side of the bed, James’s room was too dark, but she felt the bed dip when Steve joined them. James let his head rest against Steve’s leg until the trembling stopped. The entire time, Tamara continued to rub his back gently, letting him feel her close to him. He no longer shied away from touch as though expecting pain but he had yet to _ask_ for comfort in any way. When he finally drifted off to quiet sleep again, Tamara allowed herself to relax and sleep as well.

When Tamara awoke, the apartment was quiet, the only sound soft purrs rumbling through the room as Toi slept. Tamara returned to her room and noticed it was earlier than even Steve usually got up. She dressed quickly before going to the kitchen to make breakfast. To her surprise she found a note telling her pancakes were in the oven to stay warm and that Steve and James had already eaten. As she prepared her plate, she realized that maybe she did have someone to turn to for advice, someone who could help her, help James. Picking up her phone, she sent off a quick message. When the reply came a few minutes later, she set her breakfast aside to send a response.

Tamara left the apartment and made her way down to the gym levels. She watched James and Steve for a few minutes as they boxed, and it was clear to her that James was holding back. Turning her back on them, she made her way down the hall to a small room, carefully shielded from outside noises. Tamara hung a sign around the handle, a quiet reminder the room was occupied and not to disturb her. She pulled out a soft blanket and curled up in it, getting comfortable as she waited for the Professor to contact her. When she felt a gentle _knock_ on her mental door, she opened herself to the contact.

_“Good morning Tamara”_

_“Morning Professor”_

_“Now why do you needed to speak to me so urgently?”_

_“It will be easier to show you.”_ Tamara opened her mind and memories to show the Professor the events of the last week and finding out that her missing and abused soulmate was the same person who recently tried to kill Steve; but also happened to be his best friend. She focused her thoughts on James, on how he acted in general and his reluctance to be around other people.

_“I see, what do you need from me?”_

_“I’m not sure how to best help him. He refuses to be around anyone other than me or Steve, unless one of us is with him. He won’t go near strangers at all. I thought that since maybe you’ve rescued mutants from bad situations, you might have some advice.”_ Tamara couldn’t hide her concern, not this way.

_“Jean is in the city with Kitty and Piotr this weekend. I’ll fill her in and see if she can stop by to speak with you. Is that all that’s bothering you? You are far more stressed than I have ever felt before.”_

Tamara hesitated, what she was about to ask could be considered a violation of his privacy but she had to tell someone. _“No, it’s not. I’m really concerned about James. The longer I’m around him, the more clear the feelings I pick up from him. And those feelings scare me. He’s not violent, although I can tell he would react without thinking if he thought someone was trying to harm me or Steve. It’s how he feels about himself that concerns me.”_

_“Do you think he might be suicidal?”_

_“Maybe, that’s just it, I don’t know. I don’t think he’s close enough to suicidal to pick up a weapon and kill himself, but to just give up on life...maybe. I know you don’t believe in prying without good reason…”_

_“No, you’re right, this is a good reason to pry. If Jean can’t stop by this weekend, then I will come myself. We won’t intrude upon his thoughts, but if he is as damaged as you seem to think, then he is likely to be broadcasting his thoughts and feelings for anyone sensitive to pick up.”_

Tamara was unable to hide her relief that she had been right to ask for help. _“Thanks Professor, I’ll be sending a special batch of cookies your way in a few days.”_

_“I look forward to it. And if you need to, you can bring him here. The city may be too much for him right now. We have a couple of empty cabins; we can have one ready for the two of you and Steve, if he decides to come as well.”_

_“I’ll mention it but if we can help him here, that’s better. I don’t want to risk the children.”_

_“The offer is always open. Go rest, you need it.”_ The Professor gave her a gentle nudge towards relaxation, knowing she was prone to overextend herself with worry. She took his advice and returned to their shared floor, grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch to read. When Steve and James came up for lunch, they found her asleep, her book forgotten on the floor.

Tamara awoke hours later as the afternoon sun beamed feebly through the windows. The apartment was mostly quiet but she could hear a soft scritch scratch noise that she recognized as Steve sketching. James was seated nearby, watching old cartoons with the sound off while Toi was curled up beside him, purring softly as he absently toyed with her fur. Even her book had been picked up from the floor and was lying on the table. Tamara stretched like a cat before folding the blanket and placing it on the back of the couch. 

Steve never looked up from his sketching as she crossed the floor towards the kitchen. “You didn’t finish your breakfast and you missed lunch. I ordered supper already and it should be here in about 15 minutes.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 6, you slept most of the day. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I spent some time with the Professor this morning.” Tamara poured a glass of juice and returned to the couch to curl up. “I needed some advice on a project,” she said, glancing at James.

“He have any advice?” Steve set his sketch pad aside as he turned to face Tamara.

“Some, either him or Jean will be coming by so we can talk more about it. Piotr and Kitty are here in the city with Jean this weekend. I think it would help James to meet Jean.”

Understanding lit Steve’s face as the elevator dinged. “I see” Steve stated as he rose to retrieve supper. 

The three enjoyed a quiet meal and several movies before drifting off to bed. Tamara glanced at the clock in her room as she curled up with a book. If James’s nightmares continued like they had been, she’d be back up very shortly anyways. She’d only read a couple of chapters before Toi nudged her hand, turning towards James’s room with a soft chirrup. Tamara marked her place and leaving her room, she crossed the hall to James’s. 

His door was open slightly and she could hear faint whimpers from the figure huddled beneath the blanket. Without a word, she crossed the room and curled up with James. As she stroked his back, she started to softly sing an old lullaby she remembered and he calmed just a little, relaxing into her touch. Even after he stilled, she continued to sing softly until she heard his breathing shift as he entered a deep sleep. She rearranged the blanket around him so he wasn’t constricted, them stretched out beside him as Toi dragged another blanket to her. Tamara snuggled down under her own blanket as Toi moved to James’s other side to squirm under his arm. James pulled the cat closer, holding her as a child holds a teddy bear with no objection from Toi. As Tamara fell asleep herself, she heard the soft rumble of purrs begin from the big cat as she comforted James in her own way.


	2. Chapter 2

Tamara woke before James and slipped from the room to change. She found Steve in the kitchen and to her surprise he didn’t say a word about where she spent the night. She helped him prepare breakfast and as they finished cooking, James entered the room. For once, he wasn’t as cautious or jumpy and he seemed to have rested better the previous night. 

After breakfast, the three headed out for an early morning run. James had been hesitant until Tamara informed him that she was joining Steve for his run and James could either come with them or stay alone in the apartment. Indecision warred on his face as he watched her pull on a sweatshirt over her tank top. But as she pulled on her running shoes, James left the room only to return quickly, dressed and ready to run. The trio headed out the front doors of the tower and towards Central Park. 

Entering the park in the cool morning air, Tamara and Steve moved to bracket James, insulating him from accidental contact with other people. Toi had accompanied them in her normal Asgardian form and she alternated between running in front of them to circle around behind, almost like a moving perimeter. Even if anyone had been foolish enough to approach after seeing the stern look on Steve’s face, the sight of the large cat was enough to encourage other runners to move aside. Steve had learned by now to adjust his pace in order for Tamara to keep up so the run was easy for James. They made two laps around the park before returning to the tower.

They stopped by the cafe for drinks before entering the elevator to head for the gym. Once there, Steve and Bucky began to shadow box as Tamara started her tai chi. She was well into her routine when she felt herself lifted off the ground from behind and swung around.

_“Bonjour, cherie!”_

_“Remy!”_ Tamara giggled as he held her, only to tense when she heard a deadly voice behind them.

“PUT HER DOWN!” James looked murderously at Remy as he stalked closer.

Tamara laid a hand gently on Remy’s wrist as he set her down, then she stepped towards James. “Stand down!” James stopped, confusion crossing his face as Tamara stepped closer to him. “He means me no harm, we’re cousins.”

“You are safe?” James asked as he studied the strange man, noticing the glow of his eyes.

“I promise, I’m as safe with Remy as I am with Steve. Go back to your workout.”

James seemed torn between listening to Tamara and protecting her but she waited patiently for him to follow her instructions. Once he returned to the other side of the gym, Tamara approached the rest of the group.

“Jean, I’m glad you could come. Piotr and Kitty, feel free to use the gym or pool while we talk.” The teens grinned and headed for the door leading to the pool, knowing that spare swimsuits were available for use by guests.

“And I shall stay with you, _cher_ ,” Remy said with a sly grin.

Tamara led Jean and Remy to the corner of the gym where they could sit on benches and talk undisturbed. She could still see Steve and James on the mat in the center of the room so she was a bit surprised when she saw Steve send James to the heavy bag in the far corner. 

Steve nodded to Remy and Jean as he approached the trio and took a seat where he could watch James. “I could still hear you from there. We don’t know exactly how much enhancement he has but I doubt it’s better than mine. You’re here to try to help him?”

Jean shook her head, “Not exactly. I am here to evaluate him and offer advice so you can help him recover. Tamara was right to ask the Professor for help. He is broadcasting so loudly that anyone with a touch of telepathy could hear him. He is hurt, angry and confused. But mostly, he is scared.”

Steve was confused. “Why would he be scared? He’s safe here.”

Jean turned soft green eyes on Steve. “He is afraid of being cast out, of being locked away from either of you. And he is afraid _for you_ , but more so for Tamara.”

Now Tamara understood some of the feelings she picked up from James. “He’s afraid of hurting me.”

“Yes, because you don’t have the serum to protect you or make you stronger. Steve could physically hurt him, he has done so in the past. But he views you as weak and fragile.”

“So how do we help him?”

“I believe it would be best to remove him from this location. He is too unstable to be safe around other people. The Professor is having one of our cabins prepared for the three of you.”

“Is that really necessary?” Steve couldn’t hide his concern.

“I think it is what’s best for him. Right now his thoughts border on animalistic tendencies. If he truly felt threatened, I believe he would lash out in defense first, without considering the consequences.”

“I don’t understand why it would be bad for him to defend himself.” Steve bristled at the thought of James being helpless.

“Steve, it’s not about defending himself. It’s about overreacting to a perceived threat. Remember when I was sparring with Loki, he attacked him and _worse_ , he reverted to being the Winter Soldier. And just now, he assumed Remy was here to hurt me.” She reached a hand out to Steve in sympathy. “We need to think about what’s best for him.”

“He is very dangerous right now, _mon ami_. He walk like a man who courts death as a lover.”

“Remy’s right I’m afraid. He is not suicidal yet, but if he were to hurt someone, it could tip him over the edge.”

“What about the team? We can’t leave them short.”

“Kitty and Piotr are willing to stay here to help, and Bobby and Kurt volunteered to come as well. I think the four of them can fill in for you for a short time. And in an emergency, Kurt can always come and get you, while Tamara and James stay safe at the cabin.”

Steve was quiet as he took in what Jean had said. Jeans’s assessment of James’s mental stability was hard for Steve to accept. _Is he really that badly off?_ Knowing that Tamara would never let anyone hurt James, he made his decision. “When do we leave and how do we actually help him once we get there?”

“We drove down but we can have the jet come pick you up, or Remy could take you there. And I think Tamara has the right idea. He is not used to making choices for himself. Much like a young child, he needs structure and control as he learns to live as a person again. Give him clearly defined rules and consequences, but be prepared to adapt as he recovers.”

The situation wasn’t funny but Tamara could feel Steve and how upset he was at understanding just how damaged James was right now. A thought came to her, a way to lighten the mood. “Surprise Daddy, it’s a boy,” she said with an impish grin.

Steve looked at her curiously as Remy tried to stifle a laugh. Then he realized what she was doing and she was rewarded with a small smile. “If I’m the Dad, then you must be the Mom.”

Steve went to retrieve James as Tamara headed up to their floor to pack with Remy’s help. When they returned to the apartment, Remy was carrying a military style duffel from James’s room. It looked so small to be the sum of what James personally owned besides weapons and Steve resolved to do better by him. Tamara carried a similar bag from her room, leaving Steve to gather his own clothing. When he returned to the living room, James was still, watching Remy with distrust in his eyes as he chatted with Tamara.

“JARVIS said Sam and Bruce volunteered to empty the fridge since we don’t know how long we’ll be gone. Jean is leaving the car here for the kids; Hank is bringing Kurt and Bobby in the Blackbird. Jean also suggested that James get a full med workup, either here before we leave, or at the mansion. James is not happy about it.”

“Where are the kids staying?”

“Tasha volunteered to supervise Kitty and the guys will each stay with someone on the team. That way they each have a mentor here and no one person on the team has to worry about more than one of them. You got everything you need?”

“Everything but my shield, figured we’d stop by the armory on the way up to the roof.”

Tamara turned to face James, “Get your bag. And I’ll give you a choice, you can get a medical workup here or at the mansion, but you will have one.”

James glared at Tamara stubbornly but didn’t say a word. She approached him and touched his cheek gently, “James, I need to know what changes HYDRA made to you. If you get hurt, it’s up to me to take care of you. I promise, no one will hurt you. I won’t let them.”

James clenched his jaw, then shouldered his bag and followed Tamara to the elevator. When the doors opened, Sam and Bruce stepped out with a small cart. Neither one said a word to Tamara as James and Remy followed her, but Steve spoke briefly with them before joining the others on the elevator and pushing the button for the medical floor.

Jake was waiting for them when they stepped off the elevator and James froze at the sight of him. In the past week, his only contact with Jake had been passing him in the tower. Tamara took James’s hand and led him to a chair, then she went over to talk to Jake. When James began to tremble slightly, Steve stepped up and laid on hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently as James slowly calmed down.

Tamara returned and crouched in front of him. “James, I know you’re scared and confused. But you trust me, right?” James nodded slowly at Tamara. “I can handle most of this myself. Jake will run the tests for me but he won’t need to touch you.You understand?”

James fidgeted but finally nodded. Tamara returned to the counter where Jake was setting up equipment then returned with a small tray holding supplies to draw blood. James tensed as she positioned his right arm and wiped it down. He looked at her fearfully as she prepared the needle and she could see he was fighting the urge to run. Toi climbed onto his lap and began to purr as she rubbed her face against his chest. Instinctively, James reached out with his left hand and Toi head-butted his palm. As Toi distracted him, Tamara inserted the needle and began to draw several tubes of blood that she laid down on the tray. When she stepped away with the samples, James looked down at his right arm in surprise, spotting the small bandage. Jake took the samples and set them up for the tests as Tamara returned to James.

“See, I promise, I won’t let anyone, not even me, hurt you. Now, the next thing we need is a full body scan. Steve, do you mind?”

Steve could see what Tamara was trying to accomplish so he went to the nearby medical bed and stretched out, careful to lie still as the light from the scanner swept over his body. When the scan finished, Steve sat up and stepped away from the bed. “Nothing to it James, I promise.”

James allowed Tamara to take his hand and lead him over to the medical bed where Steve waited. However, instead of having him lie down, she sat down and pulled him down beside her. She pulled a rolling table over and laid James’s right hand down on it, then set her left hand down beside it. “JARVIS, run a dual comparison scan on our hands, please.” 

JARVIS didn’t reply but a light appeared at the end of the table. James startled but he didn’t move as the light swept over their hands but Tamara could feel him tense up beside her. As the light vanished, he relaxed slightly, only tensing when Tamara stepped away from the bed. She pushed back on his chest gently and he gave in, stretching out on the bed. Tamara sat beside him as the light appeared overhead again, talking softly as the light flashed over his body. 

“Tamara, the scan is downloaded to your personal tablet. However, I detect a possible problem in the left arm. I have highlighted the area.” JARVIS sounded concerned.

Tamara picked up her tablet and studied the image. “Can you increase the resolution and re-scan?”

“Increasing resolution and re-scanning, scan is live on the monitor.” 

Tamara turned to look at the monitor behind the bed, noticing a darker area within the center of the upper arm. “Increase the resolution and re-scan, continue re-scanning until we can identify that mass.” 

James became restless as the scan began again so Tamara laid one hand on his chest in reassurance as she heard footsteps behind her. 

“Tam, what is that?”

“I don’t know Steve, hopefully JARVIS can get a clear image.”

“The object appears to be almost solid metal, however I do detect the possibility of wiring or tubing within the object. It appears to have a single output, connected directly to his left cephalic vein.”

Tamara grew paler as Jake came over to study the image. “JARVIS, any way to access it from the exterior of the arm?”

“I have sent the scans to Tony but I detect no external opening close enough to reach the object without causing massive damage to the surrounding tissue that remains in his shoulder.”

From where he still lay upon the bed, James began to mumble _“no, can’t find me, don’t let them take me back_ ”. Tears began to drip slowly down his cheeks and Steve grew even more concerned for his friend.

“If it’s not there to help him, then whatever it is, we need to get it out of him NOW.”

Remy came closer and studied the scan. “Per’aps Kitty can remove the object?”

“Can she do that?” Tamara asked with curiosity in her voice.

“She has been learning to remove solid objects from within locked containers. Maybe she can remove this, it do no harm to ask, no?”

“JARVIS, find Kitty and Piotr, have someone bring them down here please.”


	3. Chapter 3

It only took a few minutes for Kitty and Piotr to arrive following Clint. Tony arrived right after them with Jean as Kitty walked across the room to where Tamara was trying to calm James down. Before Kitty made it across the room, it seemed as though all the residents of the tower had gathered outside the medical ward.

 _“Tamara, what is wrong?”_ Jean did not speak aloud as she crossed the room towards Tamara.

_“He has some kind of object in his arm and we see no way to easily remove it. Whatever it is, he is terrified of it.”_

Jean approached the bed and laid one hand on James’s right shoulder, as though to reassure him. _“Keep his attention on you, Tamara. Kitty remember your exercises, do you think you can remove that object?”_

 _“Maybe, but what about where it connects to him. Won’t he start bleeding if I remove it?”_ Kitty couldn’t hide her nervousness from Jean.

_“I’ll take care of that. It looks like the object enters the vein like an IV line. I want you to phase the line from the vein, then remove the object. Take your time, Tamara and I will keep James still. Tamara, if I link you to him, can you keep his mind occupied? It may take a few minutes for Kitty to remove the object.”_

Tamara just nodded as Jean looked at the crowd gathered and took command. “Remy, I will need you and Piotr to help. Everyone else, please leave.” 

Steve refused to leave his place beside James as the room emptied. “I won’t leave. I don’t know what you plan on doing but I won’t leave either of them alone.”

Jean could see by the stubborn set of Steve’s jaw that it would be of no use to argue. “Then stay, but if I tell you to do something, you do it, no questions asked.”

Steve just nodded as Remy moved to stand behind Tamara, as though he knew what Jean planned. “Are you sure, _cherie_? To enter the mind of another is not easy.”

“I can do this, Remy. Jean, whenever you’re ready.”

“Place your hands on him to give you a physical connection. Then close your eyes and relax, let Remy support your body.”

Steve watched as Tamara placed her hands on James’s shoulders and closed her eyes. Remy moved closer to her and she leaned back against him. Piotr joined them by the bed and when James began to struggle, he shifted form. Seeing what Piotr, now Colossus, intended, Steve moved to help him hold James down as he thrashed under Tamara’s touch.

 _Tamara felt so lost and alone in the darkness but she could hear the sound of someone trying to hide their sobbing. Realizing that she must be within James’s mind, she set out in search of **him**. When she reached what appeared to be a maze, she could hear the sobbing more clearly. She turned away, to seek him elsewhere, but she felt Jean urge her forward into the maze. At first she tried to follow the sound of sobbing but she quickly became lost. Retracing her steps, she stopped and focused on **feeling** James instead of hearing him, then began to move again. It seemed to last for an eternity of twists and turns, but finally, she reached the center of the maze. She hadn’t been sure what to expect when she found him, but it wasn’t this. James was dressed in the same clothing that she had seen him in when she watched old newsreels of Steve and the Commandos during World War II. He was crumpled against one wall of the maze, holding another figure and as she drew closer, she realized the figure had to be pre-serum Steve._

_James, no **Bucky** , she realized, looked up at her and pointed a pistol at her even though his hand was shaking. **“Who the hell are you?”**_

_**“My name’s Tamara.”** _

_**“Do you know where we are? Steve’s hurt and I can’t find anyone.”** His voice trembled and she could feel his fear._

_**“It’s gonna be okay, Sergeant Barnes, I was sent to find you.”** _

_**“How do you know my name, what unit are you with?”** _

_Tamara looked down and noticed that her clothing now resembled that of a nurse in World War II. **“Your team made it out safely. Peggy Carter sent me to find you. I can help Steve. Let me help you both.”**_

_**“Peggy sent you…”** Tamara could almost feel his relief that they weren’t forgotten._

_As Tamara stepped closer to Bucky, she could see blood on his uniform and she automatically reached for the medical supply bag she somehow knew hung from her side. She crouched beside Bucky when she reached him and he looked at her with desperation._

_**“It’s my fault, he doesn’t belong here. He’s dying and it’s my fault. I’m supposed to protect him.”** His voice broke and Tamara had to fight back a tear._

_Tamara reached a hand towards the body cradled in Bucky’s arms and was relieved to feel a pulse when she held small!Steve’s wrist. **“Listen to me Sergeant, he’s not dead, not yet. Let me bandage his wounds and then I’ll show you the way out of here.”**_

_Bucky reluctantly laid small!Steve down and Tamara wrapped the wounds in his shoulder and leg. She didn’t know if any of this made a difference for James mentally, but it did help him to trust her, so she went through the motions. How could she tell him he wasn’t in the war anymore, that Steve wasn’t tiny and they were both young men decades in the future. No, he’d think she was crazy, best to work within what she could see he believed was real for now._

_Once the wounds were bandaged, the body of small!Steve began to breathe more easily as Bucky picked him up. He tried to hold both small!Steve and the pistol and when he couldn’t do both, he let the pistol fall to the ground as Tamara began to lead them from the maze of James’s mind. As she walked, she could hear Jean’s voice guiding her back towards reality._

_**“Tamara, it’s over, let him go.”** _

_Tamara turned to see Bucky’s clothing change into an undamaged uniform. The body of small!Steve was no longer in his arms, instead, Bucky was supporting big!Steve with one arm over his shoulder. Deciding this was progress, Tamara stepped closer to Bucky. **“Sergeant, we need to take a rest. Steve will be fine, I promise. Wait here with him while I check on something.”**_

_Bucky never responded as Tamara stepped around a corner of the maze. When she looked back, both Bucky and big!Steve had vanished._

When Tamara opened her eyes, James was still and quiet and she worried, until she heard steady even breathing that she recognized as deep sleep. Steve was staring at her with worry in his eyes and she felt so weak and drained. She felt something drip onto her hand and was surprised to see a drop of blood. Before she could say anything, Remy had swept her off her feet as she started to sway. 

“Tam?” Steve couldn’t hide the concern in his voice.

Remy carried Tamara to another bed nearby. Steve was torn between staying with James and going to Tamara. Seeing that James was completely out of it, he approached the bed where Tamara now lay as Remy held gauze against her nose.

She smiled weakly at him and he took her hand in his, feeling it tremble. He didn’t know which was worse, feeling James thrash and buck beneath him and Colossus or seeing Tamara like this with no idea what was wrong.

Jean came around the other side of the bed, followed by Kitty holding a small sphere in her hand. Jean took the sphere and showed it to Tamara. “You did good Tamara, Kitty got it out.”

Steve was as confused as Tamara about the object. “What is it?”

“I’m not sure but if I had to guess, I’d say maybe a tracking device. In any case, we’re leaving it here for Tony to study, he’ll let us know what he finds.” Jean studied Tamara’s face carefully. “Now, I need you to relax for me Tamara. I know your head hurts but I need to make sure you’ll be fine.”

Tamara nodded weakly, wincing as the movement made her head throb even more. Jean placed her hands on the sides of Tamara’s head and concentrated. 

When Tamara closed her eyes and went limp, Steve panicked. “What happened?”

“She needs to rest, I just helped her sleep. Remy is right, it is not easy for the untrained to enter the mind of another but it needed to be done. They’ll both sleep the entire flight to the mansion. If you can carry James, then Remy will carry Tamara to the jet.” 

Steve nodded reluctantly and stepped aside to allow Remy to pick Tamara up. Remy clearly understood his concern because he waited for Steve to pick James up before following Jean out the door. Steve looked around for their duffels, until he saw Thor carrying all three. Loki stood beside him holding the case that Steve knew contained his shield and probably included at least _some_ of James’s weapons. A small satchel was slung over his right shoulder and Toi sat quietly at his feet.

The door opened automatically when the elevator reached the roof. As the cold cut through him, Steve was glad the jet had already touched down. The ramp was lowering as they stepped out onto the landing pad and he saw two figures step out. They crossed the rooftop quickly, both carrying duffels and stopped to speak with Jean as Remy led the way onto the jet.

Steve was surprised to find that the jet didn’t just have seats; a pair of beds were against one wall. Remy laid Tamara down gently on one and proceeded to strap her down securely. Steve laid James on the other and followed Remy’s progress, strapping down James as well. Thor and Loki set their burdens down in the back, then left the jet leaving Remy to secure the bags to the wall as Jean boarded the jet. Toi curled up with Tamara as Steve took a seat beside the beds that allowed him to reach out and touch both his soulmates. 

Remy took another nearby seat as Jean headed for the cockpit of the jet. In no time they were airborne, heading for the Xavier Institute.


	4. Chapter 4

The Blackbird was every bit as fast as a Quinjet and before Steve could even start to worry, he heard the engine sounds change as the jet began to land. After a few minutes, the engines were quiet and Remy began to unstrap Tamara to carry her out. Steve followed suit, unstrapping James and picking him up. When Jean and Hank emerged from the cockpit, they grabbed the duffels and equipment bag as Steve followed Remy down the ramp into the underground hangar. 

It was clear someone had called ahead because there was a woman he didn’t recognize waiting with a gurney. When she saw Steve, she pushed the gurney closer and introduced herself. “Captain Rogers, I’m Cecilia Reyes, head of the medical staff here. It’ll be a little easier to move your friend this way.” 

Remy was already headed out the door to a well-lit corridor as Steve laid James down carefully. James was heavy enough when they sparred. But being completely out like this, it was like trying to carry a car. Cecilia directed Steve down the hall as he pushed the gurney, following Remy. 

Remy turned into a open door and Steve followed to find that Hank McCoy was there and had several monitors placed around a large bed. Hank helped Steve shift James to the bed and he stepped back and watched as the two doctors applied several patches to various points on James’s body. 

When the monitors began to display data, Steve couldn’t hide his surprise. “I thought he had to be connected to the machines.”

Hank’s voice was gruff but friendly as he explained, “At one point in time, yes. But we sometimes rescue mutants who have been horribly abused and experimented upon. Cecilia and I developed these monitors to use radio waves in place of direct connections. It doesn’t seem to freak them out and has the benefit of allowing remote monitoring.”

“Will he be okay?”

“He’s just sleeping right now. As for okay, who knows. But removing the device did not harm him. Jean placed a few mental blocks to enable him to sleep in peace. He shows signs of exhaustion, he needs the rest.”

Steve looked across the small room to where Remy had made Tamara comfortable on another bed before leaving the room. “What about Tam?”

Cecilia was already by Tamara’s bedside but she didn’t sound overly concerned as she covered her with a light blanket and turned down the light by the bed. “Entering the mind of someone else is difficult for the untrained. It’s worse if they fight or if you are already worn down. Remy said he had to be held down?”

Steve couldn’t forget the terror he’d felt from James. “I had to help Colossus hold him down; I thought we were gonna have to get Thor to help for a minute.”

“The Professor said she was very stressed when he spoke with her yesterday. Add in the stress of today, it’s no wonder Jean felt she needed to rest.”

“Her nose was bleeding, afterwards.” Steve gently picked up Tamara’s left hand. “You sure she didn’t hurt herself?”

Cecilia laid one hand on Steve’s shoulder. “It’s not an uncommon injury with mental gifts. What happens is that when someone unused to mental abilities pushes too far or too fast, they can cause the capillaries in the nose to burst. It’s really no different than someone with allergies developing a nose bleed.” She looked towards the door at the sound of voices. “Right now, all she needs is rest but she will probably be hungry when she wakes up. Remy went to get some food for all of you. I’ll check in on her later.”

Cecilia left the room as Remy returned with Marie. Marie had a small bag hanging off one arm and carried a small box while Remy had a large tray of food. Even from across the room, Steve could smell the steak and potatoes on the tray and his stomach rumbled as if to spite him.

“Ah, see Marie, I told you he would be hungry.” Remy set the tray on a nearby table as Marie carried her burdens to a small refrigerator in the corner.

“Sugah, Tamara says he is always hungry. Now git that table over here so we can eat.”

Remy obeyed Marie quickly and spread the food from the tray out, ending with a large cake he produced with a theatrical flourish. “Our dessert, _mon ami_ , but we must save some for them as well. Per’aps it will tempt our sleeping beauty.”

Marie giggled, “I think a kiss would work so much better.” 

Steve’s ears turned bright red as he blushed, realizing they knew Tamara had kissed him last Halloween. “I’m just gonna check on James real quick.” As he escaped to the safety of the other side of the room he never saw the knowing look that passed between Remy and Marie.

When Steve rejoined them, he found that they had claimed both stools in the room, leaving him no choice but to stand, or to sit on the bed beside Tamara. He was careful not to disturb her as he sat on the edge of the bed and soon the three were busy eating. After only a few bites, he felt movement behind him as Tamara shifted.

“Steve?”

He set his plate down in a hurry and stood to help her sit up. “Hey, how you feeling?”

“My head still hurts. And I’m starving.” Her stomach rumbled in agreement making Steve smile a little.

“Here, Remy brought supper down, I’ll get something later.” He tried to offer her the plate but she shook her head gently.

“I won’t take your plate, but I will share it. If I eat too much with a headache like this, I’ll be sick. Where’s James?”

Steve leaned to the side so she could see the other bed in the room. “They said he needs to sleep, said he’s exhausted.”

“ _Cher_ , you need to rest as well. So eat, and then sleep, the cabin is ready and when you wake in the morning, you can enjoy the lake.”

Marie smiled. “You three are lucky, the Professor had the lake cabin prepared. Five acres of island with just the two cabins.”

Steve was a bit concerned when he heard they would be confined, possibly with someone else. “Is anyone staying in the other cabin?”

“Logan usually stays there, but I doubt you will notice him.”

Tamara had eaten just a small portion of the food on Steve’s plate but already her eyes were beginning to droop. He took the plate gently and helped her get comfortable. When he sat back down beside him, she snuggled closer, leaning against his side with a contented sigh and falling asleep. Steve brushed her hair out away from her face, then picked up his plate to finish eating.

“Steve, when your friend has a nightmare, how do you and Tamara normally handle it?”

“One or both of us joins him and, I don’t know, just comforts him till he calms down. Why?”

“The beds in the cabin are huge. Jean suggested we put him in one room. Maybe Tamara as well? Unless you are uncomfortable with that?”

“No, not at all. If, really when, he has a nightmare, Tamara will end up sleeping on one side of him with a blanket and I’ll be on the other.”


	5. Chapter 5

When James awoke, he knew he was no longer in the tower, at least not in medical. He had a brief flash of panic before recognizing the soft even sound of Tamara’s cat purring. And the warm body curled up next to him was Tamara, he could smell the fruit scented shampoo she preferred. As he shifted to face Tamara, he heard noises outside the bedroom but he relaxed once he catalogued the footsteps as Steve. He wanted to care where he was, and how he got there, but he didn’t. The bed was warm, and he was safe with his soulmates. He let his flesh hand brush across Tamara’s arm and she shifted, curling close to him and resting one arm across his waist. Not wanting to wake her, James gave in to the need to sleep.

Noises and the smell of food woke him again later. He opened his eyes to see Steve carrying a tray into the room. “Morning James, you hungry?”

“Where are we?”

“Westchester County, New York”

A muffled groan came from the lump that was Tamara. “Please tell me you have something warm to drink.”

Steve set the tray down beside the bed and held a mug towards her, “Remy came by, said you deserved some of his cocoa after yesterday.”

Tamara pushed the blanket off to sit up and grab the mug, inhaling deeply. “Oh god, I’ve missed his cocoa.” She took a small sip to test the temperature, then drank several swallows before setting the large mug down. “I need food before I drink much of that.”

James seemed much more relaxed this morning and he ate more than Tamara had expected. When his plate was empty, he climbed from the bed and left Steve and Tamara as he explored the cabin. Tamara wasn’t surprised to see Toi move from the warm bed to quietly follow James out the door.

“How you feeling this morning?” Steve was still concerned about Tamara. She had never even noticed when the two of them were carried out of the main house to the island cabin.

Tamara shrugged. “Like I went too many rounds with Tasha to be honest. Head still hurts but not as bad. Remy’s cocoa will help with that.”

“What exactly did he put into it? He brought over a thermos but said I was to make sure you got that mug.”

“I honestly don’t know what he puts in it. I know he melts the chocolate himself and adds a touch of alcohol to flavor it, some spices. Whatever it is, Remy’s cocoa is the best.”

James returned to the room then. “Where are my clothes?” 

Steve pointed to a door in one corner of the room. “I put some sweats in the bathroom for you. The rest are in the dresser. We’ve been asked to join everyone in the main house by 7 am.”

Tamara looked around and spotted a clock, then groaned softly. “I just want to go back to sleep right now.” She wrapped a blanket around her as she stood and headed for the door. “I’ll find my stuff and be ready in a few minutes.”

By the time Tamara had changed clothes, she could hear Steve and James moving around in the cabin. She had debated on a shower but decided to wait until after her morning workout. She found a hoodie in her bag and pulled it on, not bothering to look any further for a coat. She’d been to the institute many times so she knew where the stairs leading to the tunnel under the lake was hidden.

She found Steve and James in the kitchen, watching rain that was beginning to fall softly outside. Tamara slipped up behind them and wrapped an arm around each of them. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

James was silent as he watched the rain but he couldn’t hide an involuntary shiver. Steve noticed though, and he placed one hand over James’s flesh hand and squeezed gently. “Hey, you won’t be alone out there. Nobody’s putting you on ice here.”

Tamara couldn’t believe she hadn’t taken the cold into consideration; she knew Steve wasn’t fond of cold weather and after being frozen repeatedly, it stood to reason that James wasn’t either. “Hey, we don’t have to go out in the rain if you don’t want to. There’s an entrance to the tunnels here in the cabin for bad weather.”

James couldn’t hide his relief at Tamara’s words and he turned to follow her as she left the room. She led them to a small closet in the corner of the living room and opened the door to reveal stairs going down. A light flickered on as she went down and the two men followed her into the tunnel under the lake. 

It only took a couple minutes for the three of them to pass under the lake and emerge into the sub-basement of the main house. It was clear that Tamara knew where she was going as she led them down a hallway and to an elevator. They took the elevator up to the main floor and went down the hall towards the Professor’s office where Remy greeted her with a hug. “Good morning _cher_. Are you feeling better this morning?”

“Much better, you really need to tell me what you put in your cocoa.” Tamara could feel James watching her as she hugged Remy and she hoped he could recognize she was safe.

As Tamara took a seat on a small couch, an older man in a wheelchair entered the room through another door. “Good morning Tamara, Steven. And this must be James.”

Steve tugged at James’s hand and they both settled themselves on the couch with Tamara. “Good morning Professor. Thanks for letting us visit here.”

“I have told you, call me Charles. And you are always welcome here. Now, we have much business to discuss this morning. Tamara, do you mind helping out while you’re here? I could use someone in the stables, we have a new horse that needs an experienced hand.”

Tamara was intrigued, “Sure, James and Steve can help me in the stables.”

The Professor smiled. “Actually, I was hoping that Steve might be willing to help Remy train some of our advanced students.”

Steve shrugged, he was just along for the ride and to help reassure James but he was letting Tamara control how this played out. Remy headed for the door and Steve stood, giving James a reassuring look before following the mutant from the room.

A slight noise caught James’s attention and he had the feeling he was missing something when he saw the look of concentration on Tamara’s face.

_“I believe we need to let your friend settle in before I try to work with him. Let him get used to me and maybe he will not be so skittish when I try to reach him.”_

_“Thank you Professor.”_ Tamara stood and tugged at James’s hand. “We’ll go out to the barn now. We’ll see everyone at lunch.” 

From then on, they basically followed the same routine. Join everyone for breakfast, then Steve went to help train some of the older kids while Tamara and James spent the morning helping to care for the small contingent of animals at the estate. After lunch, the three spent the day either in the gym training or the library. But when the weather cooperated, Tamara preferred to be outside. By the end of the first week, James had become comfortable with the younger children they encountered. He still wasn’t trusting of the other adults and did his best to avoid interacting with them. James would spend part of the day in the gym with Steve as Tamara helped out around the institute with the children and worked on fine control of her own empathy.

Towards the end of the first week, Tony finally sent Hank information on the device that had been removed from James’s arm. He had confirmed the presence of a tracking device which had been moved to a remote location before it was destroyed. The device contained a powerful tranquilizer that would have enabled HYDRA to recapture James. However, it also contained a small container of compressed air that could be released into James’s cephalic vein, where it would travel into the heart. Tamara was too upset by this revelation to even share the info with Steve. Instead she went to bed early to avoid the risk of either James or Steve picking up her feelings of despair and rage. That night, it was Tamara who woke the others, dreaming of losing her soulmates and being alone again that had Steve slipping from his bed. Instead of sitting beside her like he did with James, he lay down and pulled her close as she let her tears fall. Neither one noticed James standing quietly in the doorway, watching but reluctant to upset Tamara further.

When morning came, Tamara was surprised to wake to a warm body beside her and the noise of a door closing softly. She knew it was Steve holding her because both arms were warm and soft and she wondered where James was slipping off to alone. Before she could get out of bed, she heard voices talking softly. Realizing now that James wasn’t leaving, she relaxed and went back to sleep. 

She woke again later to the sound of rain drumming on the roof. The cabin was warm and cozy and she could tell that someone had lit the woodstove. Wrapping the blanket around herself, she left her room in search of James and Steve. When she found them, they were so busy talking that neither one noticed her for several minutes. She listened quietly as Steve told James about things he remembered from before they both changed, back when they were still children. To hear James interrupt and finish Steve’s sentences, filling in what he remembered, lifted her spirits. 

Steve heard Tamara come down the steps and stop in the doorway. “Morning Tam. Remy brought breakfast over, said the Professor had some errands for him this morning, in case you wanted to join him.”

Tamara made her way into the small kitchen area and grabbed the plate Remy had left for her. “He say what?”

“Nope, just that he’d meet you at the garage when you’re done.” Steve got up and refilled his coffee mug as James made room on the couch for Tamara. 

Both men were quiet as she ate her breakfast but when she went to grab her coat, James grabbed it first. “You shouldn’t go alone.”

James knew she would be safe with Remy but Tamara could see that he wanted to stay close to her so she waited for him to grab his own coat before they headed to the garage to meet Remy. To her surprise, Remy was waiting with Toi. 

“ _Bon matin, cher._ ” Remy couldn’t help but smile when Tamara hugged him. 

Tamara ruffled Toi’s fur, eliciting a chirrup. “Do you mind if James comes with us?”

Remy just opened the door in response, waving at the Toyota with a theatrical flourish for Tamara to chose a seat. James climbed into the back seat of the Land Cruiser with Toi while Tamara took the seat in front of him. James sat quietly in the back making no effort to speak as he listened to Tamara and Remy chat.

After a short drive, they reached the town and Remy took them to several stores where James tried to look harmless while Tamara browsed the merchandise. Just before heading out of town, they stopped at a bookstore. Outside the bookstore were several cages with cats and dogs, while a table held several smaller cages. 

Toi had been perched on Tamara’s shoulder most of the morning but now she jumped down and approached a young woman at the table. The young woman petted her as Tamara scolded her.

“Toi, you know better than that. Don’t be greedy.” Tamara picked Toi up and handed her to James. “I’m sorry, she’s usually better mannered.”

“No problem, but how is she so well trained? Is she a show cat or something?” The young woman was smiling as she held her hand out to Tamara. “I’m Joyce, and this” she waved at the area around her “is our fall castaways adoption fair.” She handed Tamara a business card that read _“Castaway Critters - looking for a place to call home”_. She then left Tamara to go help a couple with a cat they were adopting.

Usually Toi was cooperative and calm when James held her but today she was having none of that. She wiggled and squirmed until she managed to get loose again, only to jump back up on the table and nose at a cage. This got Tamara’s attention. “Toi, did you find a new friend?”

A rustling from the cage as Toi stuck her paw in was the only response. James knelt down and peered into the cage interior but all he could see was a bundle of cloth moving around. Joyce came back over then and opened the cage to place a small bowl inside, startling James who stumbled back into Remy.

“Easy _mon ami_ she means you no harm.” He didn’t touch James but allowed him time to calm himself. 

Now James liked Toi and she helped him calm down when a panic attack hit, but she was Tamara’s partner and couldn't be with him all the time. Steve and Tamara had discussed the possibility of getting a therapy dog but a ton of paperwork was required. The need to protect James’s identity for now was greater than the need for a dog. They didn't know James knew about the discussion either. James didn’t really want a dog, a cat maybe. A dog would mean he had to go out of the tower more. A cat would be perfectly happy staying in the tower. But he could hear hear funny noises coming from the cage. Intrigued, he stuck his right hand down beside Toi’s paw. He smiled, ever so slightly, when something that almost resembled a tiny furry hand grabbed his finger.

No one except Toi noticed the change, but she could smell it clearly. Toi meowed loudly to gain Tamara’s attention. When Tamara saw James’s curiosity, she asked for and got permission to open the cage. Before she could reach in, Toi slipped past her hands, into the cage. What followed next was far from normal since it sounded like Toi and the creature inside were having a conversation. Only Tamara was privy to what happened as Toi shared with her. _“sad, friend, help, love”_ was accompanied by images of James in the midst of a panic attack. 

“Go ahead James, you have permission to touch.” Tamara placed one hand over the glove hiding his metal hand.

James looked at her with caution before wriggling his fingers, only to have a tiny head poke out and look at him. Behind them, Remy spoke quietly with the rescue coordinator. This time, Tamara saw the fleeting smile, and how it grew when James’s hand was seized in tiny paws. 

“It’s a ferret James. Be very careful, they are squirmy.” Tamara smiled as the tiny ferret tried to fit into James’s hand. Failing that, it opted for his coat sleeve instead, before poking a head out to lay on his wrist. “Can...can I…” he stopped as he looked at Tamara.

Tamara waited patiently for him to finish speaking, knowing how difficult this was for him. Toi nudged him again and the words spilled out in a jumble. “Can I have it, it needs me”. He drew back as though expecting to be hit for asking for something.

Tamara wanted to hug him, to reassure him he wasn’t in trouble. This was the first thing he had actually asked for and he wasn’t even asking for himself. “We’ll ask but I can’t guarantee they’ll say yes.”

Remy came up behind her and stroked the the tiny head. “She will need a name but yes, they will allow you to have her. And I spoke with them about her diet, she gave me a sheet for you to read later.”

“Tira” James pulled his jacket open and the furry body slipped inside. Tamara could already see that asking for something, and not being punished for asking, had made a difference. It was one thing to be told he would not be punished for asking for things, but another for him to get the courage to ask.

_“Toi, are you sure about this?”_

_“Little one needs to be needed, he need friend.”_ Toi poked a paw down into James’s jacket and was rewarded when a fuzzy head poked back out. _“Make sad one happy, not alone”_

The ride back to the estate didn’t seem as long and it felt like no time before they were pulling into the drive. James was more reserved and careful as he was leaving the garage, his coat held securely to keep out the cold wind that had begun to blow. When they returned to the cabin, James went straight to his room while Tamara sat down to read the paper the rescue had provided. Turns out, it was what little they knew about the ferret and proper care. She was still reading when Steve came back from a run.

“Where’s James?” Steve asked as he grabbed a glass of water.

“Here’s in his room with a new friend.” Tamara laid the paper down. “He actually asked me for something today.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, but I’ll let him show you. I’m gonna make some lunch, give him a few minutes to get situated first.” Tamara headed to the kitchen to start cooking while Steve headed for a shower.

When he was done, he was surprised to find James in the kitchen with Tamara, helping her set the table for lunch. Steve didn’t know exactly what happened while they were gone but he could see a definite change in James’s behavior. It wouldn’t be evident to anyone who didn’t know him but he was less timid and wait, is he _smiling_?

Tamara prepared several sandwiches but set aside a small amount of cooked chicken. Behind her, the two men finished setting the table just in time to take plates piled high with sandwiches. Tamara set a small bowl containing the cooked chicken near James. Steve was startled when a small furry body slipped from James’s shirt to grab a piece of chicken.

“What is that?” he inquired as he watched the creature delicately eat the piece of chicken.

“Her name is Tira. Tamara said I could have her.” James flinched when Steve raised his hand but relaxed when he realized Steve wasn’t going to hit him.

Steve laid his hand on the table, unaware of James’s response to his actions. The tiny ferret sniffed at his hand before going back to the chicken and grabbing another piece. She took the piece and waddled over to curl up beside James’s metal hand to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](http://s67.photobucket.com/user/genseeker13/media/Pets/Rainbow%20Bridge/bb8a7872-2f62-4e5a-a367-93313e69b9d0_zpsmmsbhrwj.jpg.html)  
> 


	6. Chapter 6

James was too entranced by Tira to notice that Tamara was distracted. Steve noticed though, and from the distant look she gave a few times, he suspected she was talking to the Professor. Lunch was over quickly and Steve gathered the plates to wash as Tamara spoke with James. “James, I want you to go with me to my meeting today with the Professor.”

James allowed Tira to curl up in his lap as he focused on Tamara. “Why?” was all he asked.

Tamara knew James needed to know the truth. “I’m not just working on my empathy with him. He’s also a counselor. Actually, you both probably need to come. I don’t want either of you blindsided by anything.”

Now Steve was curious as well. “Blindsided by what?”

Tamara shook her head. “I can’t deal with it right now. Please. Just come and you'll understand. He's making extra time for me today.”

Both men nodded in agreement as Tamara rose. “Right now, I'm going to meet Remy in the Danger Room. We want to try a few things and that's the only safe place. You're both welcome to come but it might get too loud for Tira, ferrets have very sensitive hearing. She'll be safe with Toi in the observation room though.”

Tamara went to her room and changed into her skin suit she wore for battle. She knew that most of what she saw in this practice would not be real but Bobby would be helping as well. She wanted the reinforced fabric to protect her from ice fragments.

When she came back downstairs in her battle suit, Steve could tell this was serious training. As she opened the door for the hidden stairs to the tunnel, Steve felt her apprehension pick up. Tamara led the way to the Danger Room and stopped outside the massive reinforced steel doors where Marie was waiting for waiting for her. “Remy is inside with Bobby and the Professor has already set the parameters. Are you sure about this?” 

Tamara just reached for the door that would let her inside as Marie led Steve and James into the observation room. When Tamara opened the door, it was like stepping into a world of ice and snow. Pillars of ice were scattered around a stark white landscape while Remy and Bobby waited in the middle of the frozen terrain for her. She stepped carefully into the room and closed the door securely, then made her way to the two waiting men. She detoured around the ice pillars, not knowing which ones were real versus holographic. 

Remy wasted no time in greeting her. “Some of these pillars are real and some are holographic as we discussed. Bobby will provide the ammunition as well as creating new pillars under holograms at random. I will charge the projectiles for you but first, I want to see if you can handle the energy safely.”

Remy charged his bo staff, causing it to glow with a faint violet hue. He handed the staff to Tamara who took it willingly. “Jus’ about anyone can hold the staff when I charge it. But only Marie has been able to catch something I throw charged, and then only when she has borrowed from me first. Are you sure about this?”

Tamara stared firmly at Remy. “I am. Just start with a small charge and we’ll work our way up.”

Bobby backed away as Remy took out a second staff and charged it as well. “Then select your first target.”

Tamara studied the frozen landscape, then swung the bo staff at a pillar of ice. Chips flew everywhere and she felt several hit her body. Remy nodded approvingly and handed her the other staff. Tamara searched for a new target as Remy charged the first staff again but with slightly more power. For the next few minutes, Tamara continued to destroy ice columns with the charged staffs. Remy continued to increase the charge until Tamara was handed a staff that glowed so strongly, those in the observation room could not make out her hand holding the staff. Tamara selected a final pillar to destroy and it exploded in a shower of ice.

When the ice cleared, Tamara and Remy were talking with Bobby again. He handed something small to Remy and the violet glow filled his hands. Tamara carefully took whatever it was from Remy and threw it towards a nearby pillar where it exploded with a small puff. Remy then tried tossing one of the objects toward Tamara but it exploded in her hand. Knocked off balance by the explosion, she slipped on the icy surface and fell against another pillar. Everyone heard the crack and saw the pillar begin to fall, right on top of Tamara. As she tried to get away, Bobby began to create a new column in an attempt to stop the fall and partially succeeded.

As those in the observation room hurried out to help, the scene began to dissipate until only a few random pillars of ice remained. Steve and James reached Tamara first, where Remy and Bobby were trying to move the downed column. Between the three men, they steadied the pillar as Bobby increased the small column holding it off Tamara. After only a few minutes, the column was lifted off her foot and she slipped free.

Tamara started to stand but quickly shifted her weight off the foot which had been pinned. James was the closest and she leaned on him to steady herself. “I think maybe I should get Hank to look at my ankle.” In response, James picked her up and followed Remy from the room, leaving Steve to follow.

Hank met them in the infirmary and after a quick check and x-ray, on the insistence of both Steve and James, confirmed her ankle was just twisted. James still eyed the rapidly darkening bruises but had to accept the x-ray as fact. Once her ankle was wrapped, he carried Tamara carried upstairs for her session with the Professor. 

Instead of meeting in his office, Tamara and the Professor spent her study/counseling sessions in the library. It was quiet enough for her to practice blocking the emotions of other people and her so-called counseling wasn’t really counseling. It was more like telling an older friend about the things that bothered her and upset her, the secrets she tried to keep buried lest they overwhelm her. The past few days had been especially hard, ever since she found out HYDRA had a method to assassinate James if they were unable to maintain control of him.

Charles was waiting in the library and he only nodded when Steve and James hovered as Tamara got comfortable on a velvet covered settee by a large window. Since she usually chose one of the upholstered chairs, Charles knew she had decided it was time to talk to Steve and James about her secrets. Remy clearly knew she was worried and upset because he carried in a tray of juice and snacks that would both give Tamara something to do with her hands and give her time to compose herself if she needed. Steve and James took seats on either side of Tamara. Charles noticed right away that both men were seated in a way that allowed them to have physical contact with Tamara but wouldn’t make her feel crowded. 

Tamara fidgeted with a cup of juice, clearly not sure how to approach her problem. Finally, she blurted it out. “I'm terrified of losing you.” Before either man could respond, she continued. “I know how strong the two of you are. But I also know what kind of risks you take. Our bonds are unstable right now because you’re both holding back. Both of you built walls to hide behind and some nights, it feels like those walls are gonna push us apart forever. It was bad enough losing my sister. But….if you can't accept our bond, then it will break.” She couldn't face either of them, maybe they didn't need her since she could feel their bond with each other growing stronger daily. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn't want to lose the bond she had with either of them.

She was surprised when James spoke first. “How do we fix this?” 

Charles studied the trio before him. They were unusual in more ways than one. Human/mutant soulbond pairing were more difficult than a straight human or mutant pairing. Mixed pairs experienced life differently, so even a familiar event would feel vastly different to each party. Here, he had two people whose life experiences were unlike anyone he'd ever met. It would not be easy getting these two powerful men to relinquish control of their feelings. But they had to learn to trust Tamara as much as they trusted each other. The problem was that these three were neither pure human, nor were they pure mutant. 

Charles had a feeling that being blunt was the only way to get both men to understand what this was doing to Tamara. “The problem is that while the two of you still trust each other completely, you don’t share that kind of trust with Tamara. It’s difficult for a new person to join established soulmates, especially when it is a familial pairing. Your bond is not as strong as it would be for a romantic bond but far stronger than a standard platonic bond. In every way that matters to each of you, you are brothers. You had years to get to know each other before the war and learn to trust each other. James has only known Tamara a couple of weeks and Steven just a couple of years. It will take time to develop even a fraction of the trust for her that you share for each other. But if you do not try, the soulbond will break.”

Steve was quiet, listening to the Professor talk. On the other side of Tamara, he could sense James, nervous and scared. Instinctively, he reached out to calm and soothe him. James leaned into the touch, visibly relaxing and focusing on Steve and his touch. 

The moment was broken when Tamara pushed her way from between them to hobble painfully over to Remy. “If neither of you want me in the bond, then I’ll leave. But you need to decide soon.” With that, she turned and left the library with Remy following behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

Charles looked at the two men, both shocked at her sudden outburst. “Neither of you have any idea why she is upset, do you?” he asked gently. When neither man replied, he continued. “For Tamara, the soulbond is very different. James may not be aware of everything she can do but you know most of it Steven. Do you know why it is only her soulmates she can heal?”

Normally, Charles would not discuss aspects of an individual’s mutation without the mutant present. But during their talks, Tamara had given him carte blanche to do as he saw fit. “Tamara’s healing gift is not a mutation. Based upon talks I had with Thor and Loki, I believe that gift is magic based. Her true mutation is her empathy. But she has linked her healing so closely with her empathy that the two are interdependent upon each other now. You know that twins usually have a link between them, correct? That bond between Tamara and Heather was stronger than normal I suspect. I have helped Tamara look into her earliest memories and she has always been sensitive to the emotional state of those around her.”

“So she was born with her empathy then?” 

“Yes Steven, it’s more common for mutations to emerge at puberty but some children are born with their mutations. For most of those children, that is due to the mutation being physical in nature. When Tamara and Heather were in the accident, they were in a bus loaded with students. At that time, her empathy was active but only subconsciously so it was relatively weak. Again, with some gifts, they become stronger as the person ages and refines the gift.”

“What does that have to do with Tamara?” James was curious.

“When the accident occurred, Tamara was not even aware that she was an empath. As a result, she had absolutely no training. She was overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions, pain and the fear of the other students, and the emotions of the rescuers. Tamara was unable to block any of it out and so she subconsciously did the only thing she could to protect herself, she threw shields up around her own empathy and locked it away.”

James stood and stared out the window as Charles waited for the two men to make the connection on their own. Steve was quiet but after several minutes of silence, he spoke. “She unlocked it because of us, didn’t she? The team I mean. When she came to live in the tower, she was scared and unsure, like she was afraid of being turned away. It was only after she became comfortable that she said something about picking up our emotions and pain.”

“I believe your assessment is correct. She may not be aware of it but I believe that she is reaching out with the bonds after battles. I think it started as her picking up injuries through the bonds but then the bonds began to slowly integrate with the shields she has thrown up around her empathy. It is possible that if she were able to bring those shields down that she could heal anyone, but not to the same extent she can heal one of you.”

Both men wore identical curious expressions as Charles continued to explain. “Basically, the deeper her connection with a person, the more she can heal them. Her empathy allows her to tap into your own natural healing and speed it up.”

James knew very little about Tamara's healing. Whenever she had tried to explain it before, he would leave. He never told her why but he was afraid that if he were retaken, HYDRA might find out about Tamara and her healing. He couldn’t reveal secrets if he didn’t know them. But now, he wanted to know more. “I don't even know what she can do. Didn't want to know. I do now.”

“That is a discussion best held between the three of you. But I can tell you this, if not for her soulbond with you, and her empathetic healing, she would not have been able to enter your subconscious as easily as she did. I do know that she has never truly pushed herself to see how much she can do with her healing. What I do know is that using her healing increases her metabolic rate, causing her to burn through glucose much faster than normal. Afterward, her glucose levels must be restored quickly or it could possibly be fatal to her.”

“Can you do anything to help us? Trust her more I mean?” Steve was concerned about Tamara now. Unlike James, he had seen firsthand how she responded when one of them was injured.

“Remy can guide you through some trust exercises. They may seem silly at times but sometimes a good laugh is needed as well.” Charles was quiet for a minute before continuing. “He and Tamara are in the lower gym, not the one the children use. Logan is headed that way, he will meet you at the elevator.”


	8. Chapter 8

Steve and James rose and left the library. Logan was waiting by the elevator as promised and he nodded when they joined him. Nothing was said as they followed him down the hall to a room they hadn’t entered before. Inside, they were surprised to find a gym that was massive. Several targets were on one end of the room with knives and throwing stars embedded within them. The rest of the area was taken over with sparring rings and exercise mats.

Remy and Tamara were on one mat, her ankle propped up as Remy massaged it, a faint violet glow surrounding his hands. Steve and James walked over to sit down with them, neither one sure what to say.

Finally, Steve spoke. “We don't want you to leave but this is hard, for both of us. I feel like I'm pulled between both of you and I don't know how to fix this. It's probably harder for James, he doesn't know you the way I do.”

Remy released Tamara’s ankle. “The question is, do you want to fix this? Do you both want Tamara to remain a soulmate? Soul bonds can be broken but the stronger the connection, the harder it is and the more damage that is done.”

“She’s not safe around me. I tried to kill Steve for Christ’s sakes.” James refused to look at Tamara. He expected Steve to respond but not Tamara, and not the way she did.

“You are so stupid sometimes! Why does everyone think I need to be protected? I was taking care of myself long before I met any of you!” Tamara stormed off towards the far corner of the gym where Logan was talking to Oro as she watched students practicing.

“Merde! You have ruffled the fur of our little minou. Careful she does not scratch you.” Remy stood, leaving two very confused men behind him. 

The room grew quiet as all of the teens left quickly, crossing between the two men and Tamara. When they could see her again, she was holding a sword and glaring at Wolverine. Remy stepped carefully between the two, trying to talk to Tamara but she just pushed him away. He nodded and left her facing Logan.

Steve and James both heard when Logan released his claws but they were too far away to stop him from charging at Tamara. As they ran for her, they found themselves lifted aloft by a gust of wind. Steve glared at Oro, knowing she was responsible. “Let us down before she gets hurt!”

“No! You should be ashamed of yourself Captain Rogers. You have seen her fight, you know she has claws of her own. Until you agree to stay out of this, you will both stay there.” Oro lessened the wind but kept the two men away as Tamara fought with Logan. She had already informed the Professor that Tamara was fighting with Logan, and why. So when she heard him arrive, she released both men, knowing Charles would keep them from interfering.

Charles hated to see Tamara so angry and he knew she was bottling that rage away from her soulmates. At least Logan was willing to help her work it out. He knew that most of her anger was not directed at her soulmates but was instead directed at herself, for being someone that people saw as weak and helpless. He watched with the others as Tamara and Logan fought, both drawing blood on the other until Tamara lunged at Logan, throwing her sword aside as she did. James screamed, he expected her to be impaled on those claws. Logan must have been waiting for this response because instead of adamantium claws, she was embraced by a pair of strong arms. She collapsed against him, sobbing heavily, not caring about the bloody scratches that marred her body or his.

Logan let her cry for several minutes before he picked her up carefully to walk to Steve. He turned to glare at both men before letting Steve take Tamara. “Either of you ever hurt her like that again, and you’ll answer to me.”

Steve led James over to a corner where he settled down, Tamara in his arms, still crying softly. “I’m sorry doll. I do want to make this work. I want you with us, be our family.”

James reached a hand towards Tamara, wiping at scratches only to find that she was already healing. “This is my fault. I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

Tamara looked at James, tears streaking her face. “We’re soulmates for a reason, just like you and Steve. He’s reckless and you balance that with patience. Maybe I’m here to give you a reason to stay focused on the present, on here and now, not the past. Just don’t shut me out.” 

“I want you to be safe, to stay the innocent person you are.” James dropped his hand to his lap.

Tamara laughed, almost hysterically, at the idea she was innocent. “I am far from innocent James. I was younger than all of you except Tasha, the first time I killed someone. I don't like killing, but if I'm forced to do so in the future, then so be it. I don't take pleasure in killing, but sometimes it is necessary, like putting down a rabid animal.” She tapped the side of her head. “I remember every one of them, the sounds they made, the feel of blood gushing over my hands. But I lock those memories away, where I can deal with them on _my_ terms.”

James didn’t want to believe that someone dedicated to helping people could be a killer as well. “You’re not like me.”

Tamara reached for his hand. “None of us are the same. After Hydra took you, you had no control at all. You are NOT responsible for any of those deaths. Me? I knew what I was doing, each and every time. Nobody forced me to fight, to kill. I made that choice on my own.”

Steve had heard this before but at times, it was still hard for him to reconcile the Tamara he knew with the idea that she had killed, more than once. His thoughts must have shown on his face because Tamara pushed away angrily. “Maybe I'm not as strong as one of you, or as smart as Tony. I don't need to be coddled like a delicate flower either. This isn't the 40’s. Women fight and yes, we even kill if we have to. You don't believe me, then see for yourself, if you have the balls to do it. Let the Professor link us, look into my memories.”

Tamara stormed out of the gym, leaving the Professor to deal with them. Steve tried to feel her with their bond, to reassure her, but she slammed a block down, preventing him from feeling her at all. “I can’t feel her, she's locked me out.” 

“She has done no more to you than the two of you have been doing to her. She has to fight to block you out, but for the two of you, blocking her is as easy as breathing.” Charles was quiet for a minute, then he sighed tiredly. “She will not be at the cabin when you return.” He raised a hand before either man could interrupt. “She is hurting emotionally and needs time alone. Sometimes she still reacts instead of thinking things through. Just know that she is safe and if she leaves the campus, she will not be alone. I suggest the two of you decide what you want before she decides for you.”

Professor X left them there in the gym alone. After only a few minutes, they could take the silence no more. Without a word to each other, they both headed for the doors and the cabin. Both doubted she was really gone, Steve more than James. He’d seen how stubborn she was and how much she cared. So to be met by an empty and darkened cabin was a shock. 

He didn’t even bother to turn on a light, he just slumped on the couch. “She really left.”

James however, was more pessimistic. “What if she’s gone for good?”

Steve tried to reassure James. “I don’t think so, it's not how she behaves. When she’s mad, believe me, you know it. This is more like when she’s missing her family, she gets upset sometimes and just wants to be alone. I have to trust that she'll come back when she’s ready.”

Steve made sandwiches for supper, neither man really interested in eating but both knowing it was necessary. After eating, they sat quietly on each end of the couch until drifting off to a restless sleep.

Neither one knew it would be almost one week before they saw Tamara again.


	9. Chapter 9

When Steve woke the next morning, his first thought was to try to reach Tamara. He reached out with the soulbond, trying to reassure himself that she was safe but all he found was the same feeling of a wall that he’d found the night before. It worried him because Tamara had never pushed any of them away for so long. Even when she’d withdrawn before, he’d always been able to at least feel she was still there. 

James stirred beside him, clearly still stressed from the events of the day before. At least he had slept fairly peacefully, Tira curled up on his chest. Steve had woken each time James became restless in his sleep, James’s fear pulling him towards wakefulness. And each time he woke, it was to see Tira nuzzling at James’s hand or curling up around his neck where he could feel her. Steve had doubted the tiny ferret could be much help in calming James but she was surprisingly successful. In his nightmare riddled sleep, James had recognized how delicate Tira was and he remained gentle with her.

Steve left James on the couch and went into the kitchen, surprised to find the table set and a note in Tamara’s writing that breakfast was in the oven. Wondering how she had managed to sneak in without waking either of them, he opened the oven to take out breakfast. James came dragging into the kitchen as he finished setting the table and looked at it in confusion.

“I didn’t hear you cooking.”

“That’s because Tamara snuck this in here or got someone to do it for her. Maybe after we eat, the Professor will help us work things out so she will come home.”

James didn’t say anything but Steve could feel his tension. He knew James was scared of being controlled again. “Hey, the Professor isn’t going to use you to hurt anyone. In fact, he might be able to help you keep it from happening in the future.”

“How?”

“Tamara told me that he can check for trigger words, things you might not even know exist. Apparently, you wouldn’t be the first person he’s helped who’s been brainwashed.”

James stopped eating to feed Tira a piece of meat. “I’ll think about it. Still, I don’t like the idea of anyone messing around in my head.”

After they finished eating, they washed the dishes before going to change clothes. Once changed, they stepped out of the cabin into the cool morning air for a run around the island. Both men were sweating lightly when they finished and headed for the main house to join the students for a second breakfast. 

Steve noticed that Remy, Marie, and Logan were missing. Jean and Scott were eating at one end of the large table and he and James joined them. Jean obviously knew that both men were concerned about Tamara because she was quick to reassure them. “You don’t need to worry about her, she's safe with Logan. Remy and Marie took breakfast out to them.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief but he was still curious about one thing. “Why didn't Remy try harder to stop her from fighting with Logan?”

Jean sat her tea down. “How much do you know about empathetic gifts?”

“Not much, I know Tamara can feel intense emotions and she can feel our physical pain as well.” 

“Empaths fall into three groups - primary receiver, primary broadcaster, and those who are strong in both. Tamara is primarily a receiver, although she can broadcast a little. She can’t override a strong emotional response but she can help level one out. Does that make sense?”

“A little. Does that mean if James was triggered, she could break him free?”

Jean shook her head negatively. “No. If one of you were truly angry, Tamara could do nothing. But if you were just irritated by something, she could help you keep from getting angry.”

“I think I understand. But that doesn't explain why she was fighting with Logan.”

“My gifts are similar to Tamara’s in that both are mental gifts. She feels the emotions of others, I hear thoughts.” Jean could see James tense up at that revelation. “However, I learned to block out other people so now I only hear them when I am actively trying or if someone I know personally tries to reach me. It's like being at a party where everyone is talking to each other. You don't really hear what everyone is saying but if someone calls your name, you hear them.”

“That makes sense, what about Tamara?”

“The Professor uses different visualizations to help us learn to control our gifts. For telepathy, we are taught to create mental walls to block out the voices and a door to hear them. We choose when to open that door. He teaches empaths using a river and dam visualization. The student is taught to see themselves as a dam on a river of emotions. They have to learn how to let the emotions of other people flow over them. If they try to block too much, that mental dam can break and they lose all control.”

“What happens then?”

“I'm not going to lie to either of you. It's not good when an empath or a telepath loses control. I've seen an empath lose control before. He was so overwhelmed by the onslaught of negative emotions he became violent. We had to sedate him and move him to an isolated area until he could learn to control what he felt.”

Scott had finished eating by now and he stood to leave. But he had some final advice for Steve and James. “When Tamara was talking about remembering every person she’s killed, she didn’t mean it the same way you would remember. Each time she's killed, she’s had to feel that person's emotions as they died. That's why she tries to avoid killing. She also remembers her own anger at being forced to take a life. More than once, Kurt has ported Remy to her, to hold her as she cried. He has also taken Logan to her, to give her a safe outlet for when her anger threatens to bury her.”

Jean let her hand rest on Steve’s. “Don't feel sorry for her. Every gift has a price, and she has chosen to pay that price. But if you chose not to break the soulbond, then she will have help facing her demons. Just as she helps you both face yours.”

Steve and James finished breakfast in silence, both thinking about the things Jean had said about empaths in general and Tamara herself. Oro entered the room as they finished. She didn’t say anything to either of them, just glanced down the hall towards the Professor’s office. They took the gentle hint and went to see the Professor. The rest of their morning was spent in his office, learning about empaths and how they functioned and learned to control their gifts. 

By the time lunch arrived, James was more comfortable with Charles and he was willing to consider at least talking to him about his nightmares and memories. He thought Charles would be repulsed by some of the things he remembered doing and was surprised when he wasn’t shocked. To his surprise, Charles recommended he go visit with Diana in the kitchen. When he asked around, he was finally directed to a skinny young girl busy stirring a bowl full of something. She was wearing a hooded shirt to hide her neck but when she turned to him, James could see scars ringing her neck and extending onto the sides of her face. He didn’t flinch from the scars, so she told him her story. How she had been used and abused and forced to abuse others, until one day, the X-Men arrived and rescued her and the other mutants. She revealed she was a broadcast telepath and she had been forced to use that power to make people do what her _masters_ had ordered. When she refused, she had been tortured.

James ended up spending most of the afternoon with Diana, talking to her about how it felt to be controlled and forced to hurt others. She introduced him to several older mutants who were rescued with her and had also been abused and forced to use their talents to harm people. He didn’t return to the cabin that night. Instead he stayed up all night talking with mutants about the Professor and how he had helped them recover from their pasts.

Steve sat alone in the cabin, waiting for James or Tamara to return. He kept trying to reach out to her but all he found was a wall. When midnight came with no sign of James, he began to worry. When he returned to the mansion and found James talking with other victims, he just found a quiet corner to wait; eventually falling asleep in the chair. The next morning, he moved some of his and James things into an empty room in the mansion. James spent most of the week talking to mutants about how the Professor had helped them recover.

On Saturday, James had decided to at least try to let the Professor help him. When he went to meet the Professor, Steve accompanied him to the office. To his surprise, James just had to sit back and relax. He could hear the Professor and Steve talking but it was only when they were done that he discovered they had been discussing Tamara.

“I found a few trigger words buried deep but I have isolated them. Steve is going to accompany you to the Danger Room and Jean will meet you there. She’s going to test them, make sure the triggers are isolated.” Charles sipped a cup of tea as he waited for James to respond.

“Does Steve know what the words are?”

“I feel it best if he not have any preconceived notions. Jean will be mixing other words in with the triggers. Just let her guide the conversation, she has experience with this.” James frowned and Charles knew, without peeking, what his concern was. “You needn't fear for Jean’s safety. She is quite capable of protecting herself. Forge has looked over the scans done on your body back at the tower. A low-level EMP burst would disable the arm but not harm you. With it as a dead weight, Steven should be able to restrain you if necessary.” He pushed his wheelchair away from the couch, back towards his desk.

Steve and James took the hint and left the room. In the elevator, Steve told James what he had learned about Tamara that morning. “Tam and Logan left early this morning. Remy said he was taking her on a hunting trip. Then he admitted that they are hunting a mutant in trouble. Remy said the Professor can't pin down where they are, just a general area.” James opened his mouth to say something but Steve continued. “Remy said that sometimes when mutants are in trouble, they can't recognize a friendly mental touch so they force it away. Other mutants have strong natural blocks due to the nature of their power.”

James nodded as they reached the Danger Room. He knew that unless someone took them wherever Tamara was, it was up to Logan to take care of her. The next couple of hours were hard for both he and Steve. Jean seemed to flit from one topic to another without rhyme or reason. And her expression never gave a hint as to what words were still potential triggers.

By the time lunch arrived, both Steve and James were hopeful the triggers had been blocked. Jean smiled warmly as the door to the Danger Room unlocked. “You did not respond to any of the triggers the Professor found. It would take a stronger telepath than either of us to restore them.”

James was incredulous, “That’s it?"

Jean shook her head, “The Professor cannot guarantee he found all the triggers. But if you wanted to allow him deeper into your mind, he can look for others. The choice is yours. He could also give you a trigger of your own, one that would override anything else. I know of a few mutants who have chosen that option, and given control to someone they trust.”

James was quiet, thinking about the possibility of ensuring HYDRA never regained control of him. “I'll think about it.”

Jean was sure he'd flat-out refuse the idea. “It’s past lunch, but today it was sandwiches so plenty should be left.” Jean led the way from the Danger Room and back to the kitchen. Scott was waiting for her with a plate of sandwiches and a cold drink. “One advantage to soulmates” she commented as she took the plate, “is having someone who knows what you need.” She sat in a low backed chair and Scott moved behind her, his hands beginning to massage the tension from her neck.

Steve and James each made several sandwiches before grabbing bottles of water from the fridge. They took their plates outside to sit and watch the children playing. When they finished eating, they both were content to watch the children play. At least, until they both felt a surge of intense emotions through the soulbond that blocked out everything around them.


	10. Chapter 10

When the emotions stabilized, the strongest by far was overwhelming rage. Steve tried to push past it, to force it back but it wasn't until he heard a gentle voice tell him to imagine stuffing it into a box that he began to regain control. Beside him, James breathed deeply and Steve could see him trembling with the effort it took to not lash out. Several small bloody places marred his chin; Tira doing her best to bring him back to here and now. Steve saw her nip him, then nuzzle the bite in apology. Steve tried to project through the bond, to reinforce that James was safe.

As James steadied, Steve realized the children were gone; the only sounds a piercing whistle every few minutes and the low hum of voices. That turned out to be Jean and Scott, talking to two strange mutants. One was a blue-skinned female while the other had red skin and reminded him of Kurt.

Jean came to crouch in front of Steve. “Raven says that Tamara is out of control. Azazel will take you to them, we’re following in the jet. Kurt will be joining you before you leave here.” Jean paused to let Steve focus. “Eric told Charles there are injured mutants. Azazel and Kurt will be porting medical staff to the location. Kurt is bringing Jake but we may need help getting the injured out, will your team help?”

“Yes, of course, just give them coordinates and let them know James and I are already there.” He reached for James’s hand and held it, continuing to reassure and calm him.

Steve stood, then pulled the unprotesting James to his feet and led him to where the small knot of mutants waited. Kurt popped in with Jake and everyone took the hand of another person, then they teleported away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they reappeared, it was in a scene reminiscent of a war zone. One wall of a building was collapsed and small fires burned in several places. What looked liked regular people and a few obvious mutants were surrounded by a small group of mutants. Some of them bore visible wounds and Jake headed straight for the injured.

A man in a red outfit, complete with helmet and cape stood watch over the scene. They were left with Kurt as the two mutants who brought them vanished again. Kurt started for the man; with Tamara nowhere in sight and no better ideas, Steve and James followed. 

“Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes.” The man nodded slightly in recognition. “I am Eric Lensherr, most people know me as Magneto.” James flinched, he'd been reassigned from missions when this mutant was involved; Eric noticed the flinch . “Neither of you will ever have anything to fear from me or my people. I owe you a debt of honor for freeing the boy I once was.” He tugged unconsciously at his left sleeve but neither man made the connection then. “Logan says the girl is your soulmate?”

Steve and James both nodded.

“My people have orders not to harm her but she is preventing us from reaching several mutants. These people were experimenting on both adults and children. Charles will take the children, the adults will be free to choose who they leave with.” The man removed his helmet to reveal he was much older than expected. He briefly touched white hair. “Charles is coming with his team. We are not the enemies most people think we are. The girl is in that building with some kind of giant cat.” He replaced the helmet and resumed his watch over the scene.

Kurt remained with Steve and James. “The Professor, he say stay with you for now.”

Steve led the way towards the damaged building and through what was left of the door. White walls bore scorch marks and the random spatter of blood. Steve could hear voices so he went deeper into the building, towards the voices. He stumbled over the remains of a pair of doors, into what looked like a medical room. Machines were ripped from the walls and thrown haphazardly around. Tamara was in front of the far wall, Toi prowling at her feet and snarling if anyone came close. An open door was behind her and several bodies littered the floor. The stench of blood was strong and more than one body lay in a pool of blood. Toi’s paws were crimson and blood speckled her flanks and jaw. Steve could see more than one injury on her, blood slowly dripping to splat on the floor. Tamara wasn’t any prettier to look at, a bloodied fist clutching a piece of wood; healing injuries scattered over her body. She held a bundle in her other arm, cradled protectively against her chest. 

“Tam” Steve called out to her. “You need to let us by, let us help.” Tamara turned at the sound of his voice, violet eyes flashing with anger. Steve paused, thrown off by the fact that Tamara’s eyes matched Toi’s. When he stepped closer , she growled, deep in her throat; then she began to make a noise that had people clamping their hands over their ears to block it out.

Steve backed off and spied Logan, picking pieces of wood out of his leg as it healed. “Tried to get past her and she stabbed me for it. Took Victor out too. If she was like us, I'd say she's gone feral.”

Steve studied the scene. “Anyone know what she’s holding?”

A woman in white responded. “No one can get close enough to see. Whatever it is, it makes no noises.”

“Kurt, go back to the tower and get Thor and Loki. Toi’s from Asgard, maybe they have some ideas. James, stay here with Logan.”

James sat down beside Logan. “Be careful punk, she doesn't know you right now.”

“Maybe not, but if I got through to you, maybe I can get through to her.” Steve began to walk closer, watching Tamara pace and stopping only when she stood still to watch him. He moved so he could lean against a wall but still see everything going on around the room. Tamara continued to pace in front of the door, pausing to look at him each time she turned. When Steve saw Kurt reappear with Thor and Loki, he moved away from Tamara to speak with them.

Neither wasted time after Tamara turned violet eyes on them and growled. Loki pulled out a spellbook and began to scan the pages as Thor explained. “Tamara and Toi are in a battle rage, they are acting as one right now. She must have experienced a horrific event for Toi to be triggered.”

Loki moved to stand closer to Tamara and Thor motioned everyone away. “Once Loki has put Toi down, you must move quickly. Tamara may collapse from the severing of the bond. I would see what she defends, it may give a clue as to why this happened.” Noting the concern on Steve’s face, Thor reassured him. “Loki is merely placing a sleep spell on Toi, she shall not be harmed.”

Steve moved closer to Tamara and James rose to join him. Thor motioned quietly when they should wait. Loki put his spellbook away, then began to cast the spell. Steve watched Thor carefully, waiting for it to be safe. 

“Now!” shouted Thor as Toi fell to the floor in a heap.

Steve darted forward, managing to catch Tamara before she hit the ground. Even as she fell, she held securely to the bundle in her arms. Thor took the bundle and unwrapped it to reveal an infant mutant, with distinct cat features. The entire body was covered in tawny fur with darker rosettes and rounded ears topped the head while a tail twitched restlessly. The hands were more human than animal but instead of nails, the baby had claws. Most troubling was the long cut that ran down the infant’s side. As Thor held it, it opened it eyes to reveal cats eyes instead of human eyes. “I shall take the babe to Jake, we must make sure it has not been further harmed.”

Steve picked Tamara up as James grabbed Toi, now her normal Asgardian size. As Thor carried the infant off to be checked, mutants entered the room Tamara and Toi had been guarding. Loki did not wait for Thor to return, he just opened a portal back to the tower. Taking hold of one arm on each man, Loki led them through and back to the roof of Stark Tower. They moved quickly from the biting wind to the door and inside the warmth of the tower and the safety of their own floor.

Once in the safety of their rooms, Steve carried Tamara to the couch where they could watch over her. Loki vanished again, only to return with a bag of healing stones. He handed two to Steve, then teleported away. Steve cleaned Tamara’s bloody fist, then placed the one healing stone in her palm. He folded her hand around the stone and wrapped gauze around it to keep her hand closed.

Meanwhile, James had laid Toi on a blanket and was trying to clean up her wounds. Steve held the second stone, trying to figure out a way to hold it to Toi’s body. He finally resorted to placing it beside the largest cut on her ribs and wrapping a bandage around both the injury and the stone. James resumed cleaning the blood from Toi while Steve did the same for Tamara, making sure to clean under her nails. 

Neither man spoke about what had happened, especially since they weren't sure themselves. Neither Tamara or Toi stirred the entire time they were being cleaned up. After Toi was clean, James laid her on her favorite chair.

“Now what?” he enquired, looking at Steve. 

“We wait for answers.” Steve filled a glass with water. “Guess we can plan to stay here until we have answers.”

With nothing pressing except watching over Tamara and Toi, the two men finally had JARVIS start a movie. The movie was almost over when Thor and Loki returned, but they were not alone. Steve recognized Bast right away.

Bast touched Toi’s wounds gently, a soft golden light spreading from her hand to encompass each wound. When the light faded, each wound was gone. She did this for the large wounds but left the small injuries untouched. When she was done with Toi’s wounds, she placed her hands on each side of the cat's head. The light returned, but now it was more green than gold. Toi continued to sleep, even after the light vanished.

When Bast was done with Toi, she approached Tamara and placed her fingers against her temples. The same greenish gold light spread between Bast’s hands to cover Tamara’s head. “It is best she does not remember what really happened. If she asks, she was injured at the beginning of the fight to enter the building. As for the babe, it is already being cared for in my home.”

“We found several more children like the babe, mostly canine and feline features. At one time, those children were believed to be avatars of the gods and they were brought up in the temples.” Thor offered.

“What about the others? The adults and the other children?”

“They are all safe, those that were alive when they were rescued. Sadly, many of the youngest were killed before the attack began on the building. Those people were forcing mutants to breed so they could study the results. We found a room that contained the bodies of many young mutants, displayed for study. Logan said Tamara had gone down that hallway after Toi. It is most likely the slaughter of innocent children triggered the battle rage.”

“As Thor said, it takes a serious event to trigger a battle rage. If she were fully bonded, it would be almost impossible for them to enter a battle rage. Her mate or mates would be able to help her cope with events such as these. It need not be a sexual bond, but those are the strongest.”

Thor looked at Tamara, his concern evident on his face. “Logan says the Professor has altered the memories of those present so that all will remember it as Logan guarding the door and Tamara injured. Logan says Tamara attacked him prior to the others arriving.”

Steve frowned. “Was that necessary?”

“I have done things that I wish I could forget but our minds are not as easily altered.” Loki paused. “Those dead people, they were all killed by Tamara and Toi. She was brutal as she killed them, even when they begged for their lives. She should not have to live with that knowledge. Not when we can prevent it from happening again.”

Bast waited by the open door, and when Thor and Loki joined her, she vanished. Thor closed the door behind him, leaving Steve and James to watch over Tamara.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter but it felt right to end it here.

Several days had passed since they had returned to the tower. Neither Tamara or Toi showed any signs of remembering what had really happened on their trip with Logan. It was now early December and Tamara had started her holiday baking.

James hovered around the kitchen, secretly watching for signs she remembered. Tamara thought he was just trying to swipe cookies as they cooled. As she baked she had Christmas music playing. James recognized the traditional carols from his childhood and he was beginning to recognize some of the other songs Tamara favored. Tamara enjoyed singing, and it was a good way to build lung capacity. She had noticed how James would sit quietly listening to her sing. But the first time he joined in, she almost stopped in surprise as a tenor voice joined hers, only wavering slightly. The next song was also a traditional carol, and James hesitated before joining her again. He stumbled over the notes, not always hitting the right one but he sang most of the song with her. Neither one noticed Steve slip quietly in the door, alerted by JARVIS to a positive change in James’s behavior.

Tamara finished stacking cookies into a tin, then set it on the counter before approaching James slowly. He trembled when her hand touched his chest, then moved lower. “You have a pleasant voice but you sing wrong. Use your diaphragm to hold the notes, not your stomach muscles.” JARVIS had switched to only traditional carols after James began to sing with her. “Another song please J.”

Tamara reached for his left hand and he flinched. Tamara noticed and took his right hand instead, placing his fingertips just under her ribcage as “What Child Is This?” began to play. Tamara began to sing with the music and James could feel her muscles flexing under his fingertips. He stepped closer, to press his palm firmly against her chest as he listened, watching her for signs she was uncomfortable the entire time. 

“A blow here causes extreme difficulty in breathing.” His hand moved lower, one finger tapping just below her diaphragm. 

Tamara just nodded. “Solar plexus, a blow there triggers spasms in the diaphragm.”

James nodded and pulled his hand away as Tamara returns to the table to prepare more cookie dough. JARVIS switched the music to more modern songs and Tamara continued to sing, her back to the living room as she worked. James noticed movement near the door but he froze when he saw Steve, a hand raised to indicate silence. Steve held up a small bag, then motioned towards his bedroom. Now he understood, Steve had completed his mission, retrieving one of the gifts James had selected for Tamara. Tamara was unaware that Steve had returned as she continued to bake, rolling out cookies and cutting them. Steve slipped back to his bedroom, hiding the small bag he had picked up for James and the bag he had picked up for Tamara. Then he slipped back to the door to the apartment, thinking how funny it was that each of them had asked him to pick up a gift for the other. 

He opened the door quietly and picked up the bags he’d left outside the door. “I’m back” he called as he pushed the door closed with his foot. 

“In the kitchen” Tamara called back.

Steve carried the bags into the kitchen and set them on the counter where James began to empty them. Most of the items were left on the counter, soon to be victims of Tamara’s obsession with baking for the holidays. The rest of the groceries were put away for now as Tamara finished the last tray of cookies for the day.

“You get the roasts I asked for?” She asked without looking up from the oven.

“I got the best the butcher had. I told Tony you were making a roast for after we decorate.”

“I’m done with the cookies, you two get to slicing while I get the roast started.” She pointed to the pile of potatoes and carrots and Steve faked a groan, grinning the entire time. By the time Tamara had the roasts cut, seasoned and in the pots and the broth started, the pile of potatoes and carrots was waiting to be dumped into the waiting crock pots. The crocks were placed onto a waiting cart and Steve pushed them out to the elevator, knowing JARVIS would have notified everyone they were ready.

Only after they had finished off the leftovers from lunch did Tamara corner Steve. “Why didn’t you tell me James could sing?”

Steve shrugged. “He hated to sing when we were kids. I just figured he didn’t want to so I didn’t mention it.”

James shook his head in agreement. “Only reason I was an altar boy was to keep him out of trouble.”

Tamara settled down on the couch, a mug of hot cocoa steaming on the table in front of her. Steve and James joined her as JARVIS started the Christmas cartoons that Tamara watched every year. When Tamara started to sing along with one cartoon, James couldn’t help but grin. Maybe he _could _get used to this.__

**Author's Note:**

> Throughout James "Bucky" Barnes's recovery I use James as his name until he decides to be called Bucky again. This will only happen once he has accepted what happened to him and reconciled it with who he was before. In short, only once he can function without shutting down due to triggers will he again choose to be Bucky.


End file.
